Why is it so important to know what we want?
I thought I knew what I wanted when I was a kid. I was about 12 and I just knew what I wanted. I wanted to work in business and make a lot of money.
What I didn’t realize (unfortunately for me) until I was in my late 20’s was just how broad the goal was. I know, I know, but up to that point I was working on all the things I was supposed to in order to succeed. So I graduated with my M.B.A. at the age of 27, had a wife, newborn child. But nobody wanted my skills or my degree.
I applied for jobs for months and months, nobody would hire me for the jobs requiring and MBA because I didn’t have any experience. Nobody would hire me for the entry level jobs that would lead to the MBA job, because I was overqualified.
I was stuck. I felt worthless. Worst of all, I felt like I had wasted all the time and money I had spent on school.
I was in my late 20’s trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up all over again. It was like I was 12 again and I had lost the last 15 years of my goals and work. It was crushing!
So I started on the journey again, trying to piece together what my inherent skills were, what did I want to do?
I was taking certifications, doing trainings, reading books, attending seminars, looking for mentors. I was trying everything I could think of to figure out what I would be good at. Then this one revelation rocked my world.
Had I been so out of touch with myself (I had previously prided myself on how self aware I was, ironic I know). Did I really have this far to go this late in life?
That motivation pushed me towards a multi year journey of trying to “figure it all out.”
How was I going to recover and really find out what I wanted? I started by looking at my history and taking note of the things I did without thinking about them. What were my inherent skills? What did I have instincts for? I loved solving problems, I enjoyed reading people, I really enjoyed combining the two. So I started to look at what it meant and how it could help people. I wasn’t ready to let go of the “business” stuff yet, helping people wasn’t business. So I called it “consulting.” That didn’t work at all.
Needless to say I finally got over my hangups and began to work in the personal development/coaching space. Working with clients to move them towards their own goals and dreams.
Oh, that revelation that rocked my world? Turns out I was always looking for someone else to open a door or provide me with an opportunity. I wasn’t taking responsibility for my own life. I wasn’t making my own decisions. I expected people to recognize my skills and then say “Well there you are, we have been waiting for you, come on in!”
Once I took responsibility for my life, I was on a different path.
Knowing what you want is the first step to taking responsibility. You have to say, out loud, and write down what you want. You have to be specific so you know where you are going. You cannot start a journey unless you know where you are going. If you don’t know where you are going, then you are not able to put your energy into going any direction. You end up with “squirrel syndrome” and your energy is diffused across multiple activities that do not allow you to build up any momentum. Which means there is no compounding (or exponential) effect for your efforts. It’s like taking one step north, one step south, one step east, one step west and then repeat. It’s going to be really hard to get anywhere.
So write down what you want and use as much detail as you can. Specific dollar amounts, number of houses, emotions you would like to feel, accomplishments you would like to make. Write it all down.