Stopping is not Failure, Starting is not Success

We all have that one friend who prides themselves on never giving up. Everyone also has that friend who starts every new thing under the sun. Perhaps you are one of these people. 

 

We have these ideas about stopping and starting that get ingrained in our thinking without even realizing it is happening. We are told to keep going; perseverance is a virtue, and if you stop then you are a quitter. We are determined to go for it and try that new thing.

 

We don’t like stopping. It feels like giving up on something. It feels like we are failing. 

 

We love starting. Starting is a big reason we have a love affair with New Year’s Resolutions. It feels like we are moving forward and having success.

 

But neither one of these is true. 

 

 

We love to start things…

 

Starting is not being successful. Starting is the beginning of something potentially significant, but it is only the beginning. As a culture, we love the idea of a new start.

 

New Year’s Resolutions
Birthdays that mark another year of life
Starting a new job
Going to a new school
Starting a new degree plan
Moving to a new city to begin again

 

Starting a New Year’s Resolution feels like a change, we are doing something different. This year is going to be different, and I am going to be a better version of myself. 

 

…until we stop.

 

 

But stopping a New Year’s Resolution doesn’t necessarily feel like a failure. Why?

 

Simply put, we are returning to what we know, back to what feels familiar, and what comfortably feels like ourselves.

 

In that case, stopping doesn’t feel like failure. It feels like a relief, a release like everything is right with the world again.

 

How do we break this cycle?

 

It’s as easy as making one conscious decision: we are going to do one thing (the goal) every day, until those new actions, that new thing, becomes the familiar.

 

That new thing we have adjusted and corrected will eventually become a part of who we are and feel comfortable.

 

To many Changes Equals Failure

 

Another issue why we’re stopping what we start is trying to change more than one thing at a time. We try to make too many changes at once. To many changes at one time make our success exponentially harder to accomplish! And it makes our stopping feel like a much larger failure than it is. We are doing so many things at once, and when we stop we stop all of them. So we haven’t failed at one thing, we have failed at many. 

 

Sometimes stopping is necessary, right, and beneficial, even when it feels like failure. Often, we are trying to do too many things are once, even in our routine. We have some much going on, even in our daily lives, we cannot execute or do any part of our routine well.

 

And as the saying goes, “everywhere you go, there you are,” Which for those of us who do not understand cryptic proverbs, means your problems are your problems. You have them because of a weakness or lack of discipline within yourself. Of course, life throws a curve ball at times, but the majority of the time we are looking for a new beginning, to start something new, it is because we are not addressing something that needs to change within us. 

If we are starting something new all the time, we may be running from something. There may be some personal development that needs to happen, and we are running from the pressure of that needed change. 

 

So if you stop and consider, is there something you need to stop doing?

What is not essential and needs to drop from your routine so you can focus on what is truly important in your life?

 

Is there something you need to start? Some habit that you need to change, something you have been putting off, but you know needs to happen? 

The challenge for you will be to follow through with this new change, doing the same thing each day until it feels comfortable. 

 

Stopping is not failure. Failure is when we give something our all, and we do not achieve the goal.

Remember, failure is not harmful, but that is another topic for another blog post. 

 

Starting is not success. It is not something great, and it is not success until we follow through to completion.

Success is not an ending, but a starting point a foundation if you will, but this also is for another blog post. 

 

What will you stop doing today?  

 

What will you follow through on today?

 

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